Iris
by xxboakwonxx
Summary: Dean misses Castiel. He has been gone for a long time, and it’s beginning to show. When Cas returns Dean has an influx of memories reminding him how close they are. And then the accident happens.


**Title:** Iris

**Pairing:** Dean Winchester x Castiel

**Rating:** K+

**Format key:** Plain text – Present, _Italic text – Flashback_, Underscored text – Castiel's point of view.

**Info:** Dean misses Castiel. He has been gone for a long time, and it's beginning to show. When Cas returns Dean has an influx of memories reminding him how close they are. And then the accident happens.

**Video link:** N/A

* * *

"You know what, Dean? I'm sick of this! You're moody and angry and I'm just sick of dealing with your mood swings!" Sam's voice pierced me like a knife. I hadn't realized that my anger, my hurt... my longing, had been showing through to the outside of me. I had been trying my hardest to keep myself in check. Obviously, I had failed.

Later that night, in the hotel room, Sam approached me. "Dean. I'm sorry." He mumbled, sighing. I nodded at him. He nodded back.

"I'm going out for a drive, okay?" I said, and left the hotel room, keys in hand. When I got to the car, I put my key into the lock on the driver's side, and unlocked my baby.

"Dean." His hand was on my shoulder then, and I turned to face Castiel. "I apologize for being away so long." I simply stared at him, gobsmacked.

Away for so long!? Considering that I could recall him sitting by my bedside for hours with me in the hospital, more than Sam, more than the doctors, more than anyone. I knew he was there when I was asleep, as my dreams were calmer, they were nicer. He was there almost the entire time I was confined to that small bed with the terrible food. I could remember the conversations we had. How close I felt to him as he sat there and just... talked to me. As every memory of him began to play through my mind, I could do nothing more than stare at him.

*

_I knew I was dreaming again, because I was at a peaceful lake, and I was fishing. I was alone, but the peace and serenity of this place kept me perfectly at ease._

_And then he was there._

"_I always wanted to go fishing with my dad." I commented, and looked up at him. _

"_I wish I could bring him here for you." Castiel replied softly. "I have something for you. Read it when the time is right."_

"_When... is the time right?" I took the paper he was handing me and looked down at it. When I looked back up, Castiel was out of my dream once again._

_And I was alone._

_And then I knew Cas was no longer beside me outside of my dream as the flashbacks from hell took over the peaceful lake, and I was in so much pain again._

*

_When I woke up, he was there again, and I was crying. These dreams always made me cry. It was new... I rarely ever cried. He said nothing._

"_Castiel, these dreams hurt so much..." My voice was shaking. I was just so sick of all of these dreams, and of the pain the caused me to remember._

*

We had gone for a walk instead of a drive, and as we strode into an abandoned building and continued to talk, there was a woman's voice.

"Get back!" There was a gunshot, and Castiel's beautiful, borrowed body was the target. As bright red blood stained the white shirt covering his torso, my ears began to ring with the sound of the bullet. My breathing picked up... and my Angel began to die.

*

"_WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, GOD!? I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING YOU'VE ASKED ME. I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M FEELING! I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M FLAWED, LORD! YOU MADE ME, AND YOU KNEW FROM THE START THAT THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, SO WHY NOW DO YOU PUNISH ME!? I'D LIKE TO KNOW, BECAUSE I CAN'T HELP WHO I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH. THIS WAS ALWAYS IN THE PLAN, LORD! WHY!? Please... TELL ME! Tell me..." And as Castiel stood there, shaking his head and looking upset and disappointed, I couldn't help but feel guilty. He walked into the building and caught sight of me._

"_I'm sorry, Cas. This is my fault."_

"_It's not your fault." Castiel replied, shaking his head. "God knew this would happen. I love you Dean."_

_My heart felt like it was swelling, and the words that slithered from my mouth had a nice ring to them, and I could almost taste their sincerity. "I love you too, Cas. Can we go now?"_

_He shook his head sadly._

*

_As he strode into the room, the lights began to explode, showering his path with sparks that lit up glimpses of his face. Dressed in a trench-coat and what looked like a business suit without the suit-jacket, the male just continued on, unfazed by the lights and showers of sparks._

_I shot my gun at him, and the salt-bullet bounced off of him as if he were made of solid steel, and he stopped moving, and waved his hand, and Bobby was unconscious and on the floor in moments._

_In the flashes of exploding lights, I saw what appeared to be a silhouette of wings span out behind him. When there were no more lights to explode, and the lights in the building went away, the silhouette followed suit, and the wings were gone. We stared at each other for a few moments before I broke the silence._

"_I don't know what you are, but those wings were impressive."_

_He looked at the floor, and began to speak, taking the last few steps between us, closing the gap._

"_I'm an angel. I'm the noises you keep hearing through the radios and televisions. I wanted you to hear me. _

*

_"Anna, come back."_

_The lights began to flicker, and when Cas turned around, there she was._

_"I know what you want. Castiel, just disobey the orders. Follow what your heart says." And then she was gone. That woman was more into disappearing and re-appearing than I was. I looked down to the ground, and I knew what I had to do._

*

_As he pulled his hand from my mouth, he pulled a knife from his pocket, and dragged it across his forearm. "I'm sick of following rules that don't make any sense." He said as he cut himself open. I watched his movements in shock and awe. _

"_Castiel! What are you doing!?" Zachariah was there, in the corner, and he was walking towards us._

_Cas' drawing on the wall became more rushed, and just as the archangel approached us, Cas placed his hand on the bloody mess, and a brilliant light flashed in the room, and Zachariah was gone. _

_When we'd escaped, we made our way to Chuck's house, working with great speed. We both knew that the archangel was pissed, and wouldn't be gone long._

_As we entered, another brilliant light shone outside the house, and Chuck placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Castiel I-"_

"_Don't even. I'm taken." Cas replied, and he grabbed at my hand gently on his other side. Chuck's hand fell from Cas' shoulder, and the light began to fade. We were protected when we were with the Prophet Chuck... they couldn't kill a prophet of the Lord._

*

When the bleeding had been stopped, Castiel got up from the ground and began to stride away. Apparently our talk was over.

"Cas... I love you." I said, hoping to stop him.

He turned to face me, "Dean. I love you too... but I've got work to do." He was quiet for a moment, "I'll see you later." He turned again, and he strode off.

And again... I was alone.


End file.
